For a very long time I have had this habit of choosing the wrong people to be a part of my life. The first time I remember this happening was in 4th grade. I had a friend...let's call her R...and my mom didn't like her. Being a mom she could see that this little girl, while only being 10 years old, had already become a master manipulator. Not surprisingly her parents were divorced, she had a stepdad she didn't like and she had seen much more of the negative in life than I had at that time...more than any 10 year old should. She learned from watching her parents snipe at one another and use thier children against each other how to lie and manipulate to get what she wanted...and so she did. She apparently also realized that finding others who were not as worldly-minded as her made the manipulation even easier. Turns out I was much less worldly-minded. I was what you could call sheltered...wonderfully so. My mom tried to tell me that this little girl was not nice and would be a bad friend...but I thought she just needed someone to like her and she would be happy and a good friend...once she knew that someone cared...sound familiar?? (10 year old codies are so cute!!) Turns out I was totally wrong and she was a really mean girl...even after she knew I would be her friend. She hurt my feelings by saying bad things behind my back and trying to get me to cheat on homework for her...I never forgave her. That might be a bit melodramatic...but I really did work at staying away from her from then on...she could not be trusted.
I remember so many instances of wanting to be friends with someone who told me such sad stories, had a difficult past, people didn't like them, they were different, hurting, damaged. From the girl who had an alcoholic dad and a depressed mom, to the gay guy from Jersey that was kicked out of his dad's house and ended up in a podunk town in Texas...then was kicked out by his mom on his 18th b-day, to the high school boyfriend who was adopted and emotionally distant because of it. They were all hurting and in need of someone to love them. So I was there, I got lied to, kicked around, treated badly and kept loving them, being there when it put me in a bad position, and resenting that they didn't love me back. My life has been one sad story of being used and abused after another. And I have no idea why I ever started this codependent behavior. That is something I will have to explore.
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I have found that a lot of codependency issues actually stem back to the mother or father for most cases of daughter codependency. Some degree of Narcissism has to be in place in order for this to occur. I recommend books like, "Will I ever be good enough?" and "Love is a Choice" and "Boundaries"
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