How did I become codependent?

I am not sure how exactly to approach how I learned to be codependent. I am also not sure, after having examined things more closely, that codependent is the right word. (I am always looking for ways to not be labeled as codependent.)

From what I understand people who are codependent have usually learned it from having lived with an active addict. I did not grow up in that situation. Neither of my parents are addicts...at least not that I can tell...unless being a workaholic counts. Both my parents work hard and have all of my life. I have seen my dad work two and three jobs, as well as working 90 to 120 hours in a single week. It wasn't however a compulsion, or something that he felt he couldn't control. When he felt it was no longer serving the intended purpose and had become unhealthy he stopped doing it. My mom on the other hand...well she has this problem saying no, and a problem with worrying about what people say and think, and this need to tell people how to run thier lives, fix their problems and handle everything from finances to house cleaning....and if you won't do it her way or listen to her she will just do it for you or push you until you give in.

I would venture a guess that rather than growing up with an active addict, I probably grew up with an active codependent. My mother was married to a man in her early 20's who was an addict...drugs. She learned in that part of her life coping skills that she has taken with her...codependent coping skills. But I don't think it was all from there. She had some serious compulsion problems before that. She was (is?) anorexic. I don't know if you ever really stop being anorexic. But I think that probably contributed to her overall understanding of how life works and how to make things happen the way that she is comfortable with. But this brings me back to...how did she become codependent? Neither of her parents are addicts...so I guess sometimes people are just born with a certain predisposition...some people are predisposed to addiction, so maybe others are predisposed to codependency.

Another interesting thing that my mom and I have in common is that we are both middle children. I wonder if there has ever been any research done concerning codependent traits and birth order?? I do know that generally middle children tend to have more of the peacemaker, helper, fix things for you traits that you see in codependents. That is a theory that I might have to look into further. Maybe it will be yet another reason not to ever have more than two children. (If I ever have a second one...I am beginning to think that I am only equipped to handle an only child.)