I'm BAAACK!

Okay, so I've been gone a long time. Work has been insane...in a good way. I keep thinking that it will slow down and stop being so crazy, so busy, so challenging...at least for a little while. Everytime that one crisis has been averted or dealt with the next thing looms up out of nowhere. We finally got fully staffed and the we had to get ready for our QI reading (internal file auditing), which is a really big deal, then our most experienced casemanager gives notice. And in amongst all of this we are still responsible for our day to day stuff and any minor emergencies that come up, which seems to happen with regularity.

If anything this job has helped me learn how to let go and "let God". I was unaware of it for a long time, but apparently I have "control issues". Which is Codie Speak for I freak out when things are crazy or happen unexpectedly or I don't have complete control of all aspects of every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I don't have problems...SHUT UP!! Anyway, I have had to work really hard at not losing my mind when my entire day is lost to dealing with unexpected things, unplanned meeting and the uncontrollable talking of certain individuals.

I do have to say that it has been great being the one that people come to asking questions. I feel useful when my newer coworkers need me for something...cause all good codies like to be needed. My boss is so nice...she is always giving me compliments, but I never take the compliments. I always just have to tell her and anyone else how I'm really not all that good. It's impossible for me to let go of the codie "I hate myself" mindset. I am trying to take the compliments and say thank you, instead of "oh, no...I really don't mind staying late, putting in a million extra hours, taking on-call three times in one month and taking my laptop home with me to work at home...it's just part of my job. Please don't call attention to me". I like the acknowledgement, but at the same time I hate it. I don't want to be the center of attention, but I resent it when nobody notices how hard I work.

So while I am making progress in my codie tendencies I still have a long way to go. I guess I will keep working on it.